


Life's a Beach. And Then Someone Has to Clean the Ventilation System.

by thefrogg



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-04
Updated: 2013-03-04
Packaged: 2017-12-04 07:47:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/708280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thefrogg/pseuds/thefrogg
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Vulcans don't cry. Except when they do. Other people's reactions to it are...entertaining.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Life's a Beach. And Then Someone Has to Clean the Ventilation System.

**Author's Note:**

> Previously posted on my livejournal.
> 
> This is in response to [this metafandom'ed post](http://thefourthvine.livejournal.com/111421.html) (paragraph in the middle-ish, plus the 5th comment thread started by [svmadelyn ](http://svmadelyn.livejournal.com/)). For those not wanting to hop over and look, they are copied at the bottom of this post.

Spock angled away from the vent as the fan turned on, thankful his extra eyelids protected him; the powder-sand tracked in from the last shore-leave had gotten into the ventilation system and was proving impossible to clean out. 

He blinked. Blinked again. 

Except this time the stuff had gotten caught between the lids, and trying to get it out had only driven it deeper. The particles scraped across his eyes like tiny daggers. 

'Vulcans do not cry,' Sarek's voice whispered in his mind. 

He straightened, squaring his shoulders against the pain; it was far too late to keep his eyes from watering. "Yeoman." 

"Yes, Commander?" The girl - young, shiny, annoyingly competent - bounced to a stop and looked up expectantly. 

"Take my post. I will return momentarily." Spock nodded respectfully as he ducked around the edge of the console, making only the barest of eye contact. 

He could only pretend he hadn't heard the faint whimper of shock that followed him from the bridge. 

~~~ 

Water running on cold, Spock cupped his hands under the spout and washed his eyes over and over, the pain slowly fading. 

The ship's alarms went off; he would be less than effective impaired as he was, and if the Captain needed him in the bridge before he finished... 

His com never chirped. 

~~~ 

Spock left the lavatory a few minutes later, eyes washed clean of that infernal sand, only to find the ship in an uproar. The emergency lights were on, casting colors and weird shadows; crew were running around madly, locking down stations, yelling orders and questions over the klaxons, and generally getting in one another's way. 

Blinking the last of the ghostly reminders of grit from his eyes, he reached down, offering a hand to a technician who'd slipped. "What's going on?" 

"I don't know, sir, the Captain called all stations." The young human gulped and looked plaintive. "Sir?" 

Spock turned to look back at the chaos, then nodded. "As you were." 

"Thank you, sir." 

There were no more mishaps - powder-sand or otherwise - on the short walk to the bridge. "Captain." 

"Commander!" Kirk turned to look at him so fast Spock was afraid he'd give himself whiplash, then, almost as an afterthought, swiveled the chair. 

Spock raised an eyebrow and clasped his hands behind his back. "Might I ask what is the matter?" 

Kirk opened and closed his mouth, apparently tongue-tied. 

"Sir? Anyone?" Spock looked around the bridge, the sudden silence - outside of the klaxons and the dim roar of the rest of the crew out on the main deck - oppressive. "Captain, just what alert did you call?" 

"Commander?" Uhura stepped back from her station, glancing between Spock and Kirk. 

"Yes, Lieutenant." 

"Um." She bared her teeth and hissed in a breath, then stumbled on. "He called the crying Vulcan alert." 

Kirk groaned, covering his face with one hand. What skin was visible was bright red. 

"Crying Vulcan alert?" Spock tilted his head a bit, considering. 

The bridge crew - and Captain Kirk - waited anxiously. 

"Considering that the destruction of my home planet did not require more than red alert, it is perhaps a bit excessive to create a new alert level based on my showing emotion. After all, even a Vulcan such as myself has difficulty with powder-sand getting in the eyes." 

Relief swept through the bridge crew in the form of weak chuckles and shaken heads. 

"Now, can we stand down from this 'crying Vulcan alert' of yours? I have quite recovered." 

"Yes, yes," Kirk said, hitting the ship-wide broadcast. "This is the Captain speaking. Stand down from alert. I repeat, stand down from alert. False alarm." 

"Sir?" 

"Yes, Lieutenant?" Kirk sounded amused, and relieved, and more than a little bit embarrassed. 

"What do you want me to do about all the death notices that went out? It's too late to block them."

**Author's Note:**

> Plotbunny: 
> 
> _Spock is not going to spend a lot of time sobbing into his pillow. (Which is good, because crying Vulcans are very bad for morale. In fact, I'm betting the Enterprise's alert scale goes something like this: yellow alert, orange alert, red alert, oh shit we're all fucked alert, and, finally, the dreaded crying Vulcan alert, which immediately enacts the wills of everyone on board, supplies them all with a powerful euphoric narcotic, and notifies their next of kin.)_
> 
> This needs to be a story, like, stat. Where Spock shows an emotion and blinks back a tear, and the yeoman makes a sound of distress upon seeing this and pitches her clipboard to the side of the bridge and flees, and like, everyone aboard the Enterprise starts sending out letters to their loved ones because HOMG SHIT IS GOING DOWN AND NOT THE NORMAL SPACE AMOEBA TYPE THE LENGTH OF TWO HUNDRED FOOTBALL FIELDS SHIT EITHER. (by svmadelyn ) 
> 
> Except, you learn later, it wasn't really an emotional tear... there literally had just been something in his eye. He was very confused by the humans running around the ship as if the sky was falling, even more so than usual. (by simplysly ) 
> 
> I seriously seriously suggest reading the post and its comments in their entirety, because seriously. Funny. Don't eat or drink while reading funny. Make sure you're in private, with friends who understand, or don't care if you burst out and/or fall out of your chair laughing funny. Yes, it's just that funny.


End file.
